Dear Reader:

Don’t we admire people who we think are resilient...no matter the problems or situations that accost them in life…they, not only survive, but bloom from each encounter?

Many studies have been done to try to figure out the reason why some people grow stronger and more resilient with each crisis that comes their way….while others turn inward and lose their bloom.

For years…psychologists ascertained that good problem-solving skills, patience, self-help, and support from family and friends, collectively, developed the needed skills for resilience.

Lately…new studies have shown that all of the above criteria for resiliency are fine…but they, alone, are not the key factors or predictors of a resilient person.

Instead…two other explanations are more closely aligned to producing resilient individuals. The first…Spirituality.

(This term is not, necessarily, confined to religion or theology…but instead a “shared and deeply held belief” as in the following definition.)

“Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. 

Practicing spirituality brings a sense of an unique perspective, meaning, and purpose to our lives.” 

Understanding that we are never alone, but part of a bigger universe, makes us more resilient to problems and disappointments that “topple” others without this shared conviction.

*This runs true for me in my personal crisis experiences…just knowing that I am an important part of the universe, connected to all living creatures of life, helps me minimize the immediate problem with a spatial perception of universal acceptance.

Mentally….this belief shrinks the immediate crisis as compared to, say, all the stars in the universe. It works for me!

The last “ingredient” in the pot of resiliency is HOPE.

C. R. Snyder, a former researcher at the University of Kansas, startled most people when he announced (after years of studying people and their personal cases confronting crises in their lives) that HOPE is not an emotion or feeling.

Instead it is a cognitive process…a way of thinking….which is composed of the following trilogy.

1) Setting realistic long-term goals   (I know where I want to go)

2) We can figure out how to achieve these goals with a solid “Plan B” waiting in the wings. (I know how to get there, I am persistent and I can tolerate disappointment and try again.”)

3) We believe in ourselves ( I can do this!)

Snyder also informs us that HOPE is learned…children learn hope by observing how their parents handle problems….the level of resiliency shown at home. Tolerance for disappointment, determination, and a belief in self are the heart of hope. 

Next time someone calls you or your child or grand-child “spirited or high-spirited” take it as a compliment. This is the child who has a high tolerance for disappointment and occasional failure….with an equally high determination to live life to the fullest.

Hopelessness and powerlessness go hand in hand and we all know that a sense of powerlessness to change a critical situation is a terrible experience..one we try to avoid at all costs. We need resilience and hope and a spirit that can carry us through the doubt and fear. We need to believe that we can effect change if we want to live and love with our whole heart. Hope!

Source: The Gifts of Imperfection (Brene Brown, Ph.D)

…………………………..

So until tomorrow…“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, when the darkness sets in, their beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” (Elisabeth-Kubler-Ross)

* Speaking of stained glass…another photo from Brooke at the National Cathedral

We recognize resilient people because we can see the “light” within.

“Today is my favorite day”  Winnie the Pooh

* And speaking of resiliency….Lucy has been having trouble jumping on the benches in the garden in the evenings now…and then (right after completing this blog post) I walk outside and spot Lucy sleeping on top of the five foot fence posts that separate my neighbor’s property. Lucy still has hope and she definitely has spirit!