Chapel of Hope Stories

Dear Reader:

As wonderful as Wednesday was yesterday… Thursday spiraled downhill quickly.

Doodle came over to help change and pack the wound (Thank you God for her and her strong constitution to yucky things)…my wonderful nurse Bobbie had walked us through the process on the phone…and everything looked good and felt good. But then I had to put on my pressure “hose” (comes up to the knee) and instantly the skin around the wound started burning…as if on fire.

It is hard to describe but it really feels like someone is stabbing me with hot pokers…a terrible feeling and to date there is not a drug around my house that touches it…I was told it probably is nerve-endings like lightning and it strikes over and over.

All I know is that I found myself singing the lyrics to “Ring of Fire”…especially the one line by Johnny Cash “I fell into a burning ring of fire…and it “burns burns burns…the ring of fire…the ring of fire.” My sentiment exactly Johnny….thank you for describing my day yesterday.

Having gone through every treatment there is for breast cancer I can attest to the fact that this latest skin problem (with what seemed to just be a small scab wound) has brought me more pain that anything else to date.

I have always prided myself on having a high tolerance for pain but these constant “bee stings”  are definitely getting on my last nerve. It affects more the tender skin around the wound than the wound itself…we think the skin is reacting to too many adhesives on it…so we are going to try to bandage a little differently to let the skin breathe more.

I just feel like if I could fall asleep …that somehow, miraculously, the pain would be gone…but it is hard to sleep when your body is so tense from pain…a no-win situation.

This experience has taught me even more compassion for people who live with pain daily in their lives…it must be the most challenging path to follow.

Right now it is hard to conjure up a reasonable explanation for this very uncomfortable situation but still I know deep down in my heart…that something good will come from this…even if it is a deeper understanding of others who live with chronic pain and disease.

Cancer is a frontier…one of the last ones we have here on earth. It is an unknown with researchers and doctors (explorers) discovering new ways to combat it continuously. In fact it has been new drugs that have arrived on the market…that have pulled me out and up into new healing plateaus. I am eternally thankful for these cancer explorers.

I think that is why this latest turn of events has thrown me somewhat…because everything looked so good for the breast cancer part to have this pop up for whatever reason.

God who knows every star by name knows how to heal our wounds, great and small…and I feel sure it will be healed…hopefully this is just the third day blahs. Grandmother always told me that the third day after surgery (procedure) was the hardest…she’s right today and hope that means tomorrow will be much improved…counting on it!

Ruth Simons, author, wrote that when we cry out to the Lord asking “Lord, do you see my distress? Do you know all the details of what is breaking my heart” we are reminded He does. He is the wound-binder, the Heart-Healer and the Star-Namer.

So until tomorrow…

*With Halloween just around the corner…maybe there is a ghost floating around that can scare the bejeebies  out of this foot and get it well again…as  fast as possible. BOO Foot!!!!

 Janet Bender stopped by yesterday…she works with Juice Plus and keeps me full of wonderful healthy products. This time she was loaded down with everything she had to boost the protein levels in my body.

Shakes, salads, desserts…chocked full of protein.

What an amazing and generous person you are Janet…one of a kind! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your health tips, delicious food, and most of all… friendship. You are a great testimony to healthy eating…you look terrific Janet!

Dear Reader:

What a difference a day makes! My first incoming message, yesterday morning, was from wonderful Stephanie, my Horace Mann agent, who informed me my settlement check would arrive Friday by Fed-Ex. Now I have something to look forward to as I dream about my car and and even more… freedom of the road again…a personal independence!

Doodle and Lassie arrived and we set up the “surgical table” for today since the wound has to be cleansed and packed. We are ready for the procedure which must be done every other day. It is worth it, however, because as badly as the cleaning out of the wound hurt me at the Wound Care Facility Tuesday afternoon…today my foot has been pain free. It doesn’t feel like it is going to explode when I step on it. I am walking naturally for the first time in weeks.

Doodle and Lassie went to the store for me and we are putting an emphasis on protein since Bobbie, the nurse, said that protein helped cells reproduce best of all. We are going to give those cells every chance to start over with no infection.

A shower! I got to take a shower today after sponging and sponging away until I could hardly stand myself. I got my leg and foot covered completely with a CVS water-resistant bag and it was the most luxurious feeling in the world! Isn’t it funny how much we appreciate it when suddenly we don’t have something or can’t do something in our normal daily routine for awhile? Now I feel more like Becky.

I could have stayed in the shower until my fingers were pruney… but I reluctantly got out….knowing how much longer it takes me to dress now. *Little did I know that “pruning” would take center stage.

To top off this amazing day Donna Rae Williams, a fellow teacher and friend, called and said she had a surcie and wanted to drop it off if I was home. I told her “Home is my name and home is my game.” I can’t go anywhere even if I wanted to…so she could count on me being there.

When Donna Rae arrived her surcie was this beautiful book called “Gracelaced” by author and artist Ruth Chou Simons. Besides containing Simons’ beautiful floral paintings…the focus of the book is on the ever-changing seasons of our relationship with God. It is about flourishing under His Guidance.

Suddenly right in the middle of our conversation,  I idly opened the book and said out loud “God Wink!” The more I read the more Donna Rae and I just stared at each other.

The chapter was on Pruning and the question the reader was to answer was ‘How is God pruning us for good’?

The story in this chapter began with the author telling the story of a friend of hers who prunes her rosebushes every year and when she has finished, it looks like a massacre has taken place. She knows, however, if she doesn’t trim them their growth will be stunted. So, out of love, she grabs the shears and brutally chops away.

Even thought the briars and thorns fight back she is relentless because only she, the gardener, knows that what looks like destruction now is really the beginning of the beauty to come.

Simons connects this story to our own fight against God to place us in painful situations which we would rather avoid…when sometimes it is merciful of our loving Father to prune what chokes us.

*Suddenly the scene in the Intensive Wound doctor’s office came to mind. As hurtful and painful as the procedure was yesterday…today my foot has no pain and I can walk normally for the first time. From my perspective it is nothing short of a daily miracle.

Simons says: ” It is merciful and good of our loving Father to prune what chokes us, to remove what entangles us, and to cause us to be exposed and laid bare.”

I know God was in that room with me yesterday…knowing the pain was great at the moment…but the lasting benefits outweighed the temporary hurt.

Job 5:17-18

17 “Blessed is the one whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. 18 For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.”

The last caption in this chapter concludes with

YOU WILL SURVIVE

“It may not feel like it now, but you will survive. You will look back and remember with discomfort how it felt to be stripped of all that felt safe but really stunted your growth.

…We were created to bear fruit. Today’s painful pruning paves the way for tomorrow’s blooms. 

So until tomorrow…Pruning season is ” For His Glory and Our Good”

“Today is my favorite day”  Winnie the Pooh

* You see how much I miss my garden but I promised Doodle and Lassie (pinky-promised) that I would not step off my deck…still I can wave and blow the garden a kiss.

Dear Reader:

I loved this picture of a beautiful fall setting along a path that reveals a light at the end of the tunnel. *I needed to see that photo today.

I will have to admit that yesterday was not one of my favorite days. My wonderful friend, K.C. took me to my next appointment with Dr. McDreamy, a.k.a., my cute dermatologist/ surgeon who removed the bad “squamos” cells from my foot. This was to be my third Epi skin graft. He was away on vacation last week.

When he looked at my foot though he saw some infection was starting to settle in and decided to refer me to a deep wound specialist…a friend of his to get a second opinion.

He went and called his friend and the deep wound doctor could work me in right then so I didn’t have to make another trip to Mt. Pleasant. When K.C. and I arrived at his office…it was slam packed…but the receptionist quickly got all my insurance information and a wonderful nurse named Susan took me to a room to look at the wound and do some preliminary clean-up before the doctor arrived.

I love looking at the stars at night but not in a doctor’s office…when he went to clean out the wound I literally saw stars. I didn’t know who was going to faint first…me or poor K.C. who had a chair in the examining room. I had never felt such pain in my life….I am sure it didn’t last long but it felt like 100 bees had attacked my foot. I am so glad I was in the dark about that procedure…or I would have hobbled out there as fast as my poor foot would have taken me.

So now I am back to square one and not sure where it all goes from here…I was too exhausted from the procedure to ask. I return next Tuesday and hopefully will learn more then.

K.C. and I had plans to go to the store and a few other stops but after getting prescriptions from two different CVS’s and some lunch…we headed home….both of us drained.

K.C. I can not thank you enough for going with me…it would have been so much worse alone. And thank you for your encouraging observation that you think this was a “divine” intervention to get things back on track and get the healing started in the right direction. I pray this is so.

When I got home there was a weekly “Spotlight on Kindness” that re-iterated what K.C. felt about this turn of events. God’s reassurance that K.C. called the situation right.

“Let me fall if I must. The one I will become will catch me.” Baal Shem Tov

I loved the editor’s note (Ameeta) accompanying this quote: It was as if this observation had just been written for me today when I most needed it.

“Nature’s season offer many quiet lessons. Nature sheds and seeds in autumn, reflects while dormant in winter and bursts forth anew in spring.

Similarly, as we fall, a new version of us rises. As one layer of us peels off, a deeper layer is revealed. What feels like falling is often the seed for growth or something new- something deeper and more connected to our authentic nature.”

I certainly hope all the infected peeled layers of my foot wound will reveal a deeper level receptive to new healing and good health.

So until tomorrow….Back to my recliner with my foot propped up…doctor’s orders and perhaps God’s too. 🙂 Dear Father, let this intervention today, as painful as it was,  reveal the new path to successful healing.

“Today is my favorite day”  Winnie the Pooh

Dear Reader:

Last weekend, a home adjacent to mine, had a bonfire burning brightly one evening. I remember it was one of those first cool evenings, but not too cool not to still have the windows open. Suddenly I smelled wood burning.

As I glanced out the window (by the computer) I could see the flames growing higher and higher. At first I prayed it wasn’t a mistake because it was coming from the rental house with all the bamboo. Immediately my mind thought…‘If this isn’t a bonfire…I could be looking for a new car and a new house.’

Soon, however, I heard some country music being played and the sound of people talking and laughing and was relieved to know it was a supervised “burn.” It was the smell of fall….the smell of bonfires and burning leaves. It was such a nostalgic, wonderful smell that took me back to my high school days of homecoming parades, bonfires, and football games. What a wonderful time that was!

And then, with a smile, I remembered an expression that had been pushed way back in my memory bank. If Grandmother Wilson caught me “zoning out”….day dreaming or just staring out the window…she always said, “I smell wood burning” and I would be startled out of my reverie with a small grin from grandmother.

One of the good things about my forced  home “bondage” is that there has been a lot of wood burning coming from within my den. People, places, and things that I haven’t thought about in a long time are popping back up in my memory and making me recognize once again how God has always put just the right person in my life at the right moment to help me through the tough transitional phases of life.

My home captivity has also allowed me more rest than I have had in a long time…I no longer fight naps…but just ‘go with the flow’ and sleep whenever my body tells me it wants to rest…which has been a lot lately. I am listening more intently to my body now instead of my mind that always wants to keep me hopping.

This book showed up on one of my daily devotions yesterday and it reemphasized what I have already been learning these past few weeks ….home alone with no car.

“Our lives have gotten so cluttered up with things we think we should do, we can’t figure out what we were meant to do.” Ali Worthington

Having this time at home has forced me to re-evaluate my priorities and how I spend my time.

Mark reminds us that even Jesus needed to stop and rest in the midst of a crazy world, with all the important things He had to do… if he did…don’t you think we need to rest too?

I realize that taking time to go over my daily agenda with God helps me see where I need to balance my needs with others’ needs more appropriately….taking time to maintain relationships with our fellow man is more important today than ever before. The Internet will never replace the importance of face to face conversation with others…and if people are tricked into believing it can…they end up more isolated and lonelier than ever.

So until tomorrow….Take time for yourself first (rest) because if you aren’t good to yourself and spend all your time trying to be good to everybody else…  you end up being good for nothing. If you keep pushing the busy button …you will sooner or later recognize the high cost of losing the ones you love.

“Today is my favorite day”  Winnie the Pooh

‘Lo how a rose er’ blooming among the Halloween ghosts

Dear Reader:

Have you ever felt like you just don’t “get” certain situations in life? In fact life, itself, is mostly a puzzle that (no matter how many pieces you find or add) never completes the picture?

If we look at life as an incomplete puzzle we remain frustrated in our futile attempts to complete it….so we stay uncertain of our status in our relationship with others….people and God. Sometimes, we might feel like we finally “get” God or another individual in our lives…only to discover that most people show only a few sides of themselves for fear they will be rejected if people really know them down deep.

God, however, knows us  more deeply than we, ourselves, can scratch the surface. And yet God never rejects us…just the other way around. God never stops loving us.

If someone is asked to quote a line of Shakespeare…most likely they will quote (from Hamlet) “To be or not to be…that is the question.” While thinking about that quote, yesterday, a light bulb went off this time that never had before…To “be” is defined as to “exist“….If Hamlet was debating between existing and dying and which was the better choice…He probably would choose dying…even with all its unknowns.

But if he was debating the difference between “living” and dying…he would probably choose life. Human beings weren’t created to exist…they were created to live life and live it big…not perfectly but imperfectly…open to all the joys and happiness true living can produce.

Our problem is that most of us think we aren’t enough, we won’t ever be good enough…when in reality we’re already enough. Like Alan Jackson sings…“Just as I am..O Lamb of God, I come I come.” We aren’t being called home when we are at our best…teeth brushed, dressed in our finest attire or at our most successful moment in life…God loves us from birth to death unconditionally…and all we are asked to do in return is love Him…and even then, if not… through grace, He still keeps loving us.

I can’t imagine a world with such unconditional love…can you? Truly mind-boggling!

At the end of the To Be List paperback I just finished reading, authors Randall and Walter conclude with this reassuring message.

“If you take away anything from this book, I hope it’s this: You’re already enough. You can already live at peace with yourself, regardless of which stage you’re at in your life journey. 

You can breathe deep. You can relax. You can sleep at ease. Because you’ve already arrived. You’re already magical. You’re a miracle, exactly how you are this moment, today.

You don’t need to analyze yourself to the umpteenth degree; you don’t need to have it all worked out- your scars healed and imperfections concealed. Because they’re not really scars and imperfections-they’re you. And that ‘s enough.

You. Are. Enough.

It’s time to put all the lists away and finally, beautifully, gracefully…be at peace with yourself.”

So until tomorrow… “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” (Brown)

“Today is my favorite day”  Winnie the Pooh

The title picture today is Vickie’s and my shared co-op rose bush by my driveway… Vickie told me she spotted an abandoned bird nest in it….and sure enough..there it was. Like our earlier post last week on beauty in action…the rose bush is still blooming and providing a home for others…beauty in being and doing.

Even though the garden looks somewhat scraggly for lack of attention there is something just so basically beautiful in its natural state….

Walsh and Mollie are headed home today…I know three little children who will be so happy to see them again and two parents….happy for the trip but also happy to be back home.

Dear Reader:

Saturday morning I ventured out on the back deck and stared across my garden…at first I was a little saddened…many of the plants looked dry and thirsty, a little wilted…a condition that in my normal state I would not allow to transpire. However the weathermen keep forecasting showers and unfortunately… they must have someone else’s name on the forecast list.. .because we sure haven’t seen any substantial amount of rainfall in quite awhile.

***Later yesterday afternoon during the Clemson game…it rained!

But then…it happened. I glanced over to the large bushes growing along the garage (a.k.a. Boo’s Potting Shed) and I saw white, pink, and rose colors jumping out at me…as if to say “Look! Look what has happened while you have been sitting with your foot propped up filling out paperwork!” It had to be….my Confederate Rose was blooming! Happiness flooded me!

By now most of you know the legend behind this beautiful bush….but here is a quick summary for anyone who doesn’t…it adds to the charm of the bush and explains the transition of colors from white, to pink, to rose.

“Once the Confederate Rose was pure white. During the Civil War, a Confederate soldier was fatally wounded in battle. He fell upon a white rose as he lay dying. During the course of the two days he took to die, he bled more and more on the flower, till at last the bloom was covered with his blood. When he died, the flower died with him. Thereafter, the Confederate Rose (or Cotton Rose), opens white, and over the course of the two days the bloom lasts, they turn gradually from white to pink to almost red, when the flower finally falls from the bush.”

I grabbed my iPhone and hobbled over for a quick picture and then hobbled back to the deck feeling downright joyful…filled with hope! This was the same bush that started dying on me during the spring for no apparent reason…the stems and leaves atrophied. It was the strangest thing that I (and my gardening neighbors) had ever seen. I had to literally chop off each branch (that was hard as a stick) to prevent the disease from spreading.

The drastic measure did what my neighborly advisers hoped ….it stopped the “bleeding” and the Confederate Rose began to grow again….back to its gigantic size as if it had never had the set-back. And now it is just starting to bloom….soon the whole bush will be weighted down in  beautiful colors….life continues, no matter the setbacks…it still continues.

As I plopped back down in my favorite chair, my recliner, with my foot propped back up again… I knew nature had taught me a lesson about life yesterday. Sometimes we have to stop in life, drop back and punt…surveying the field before us in order to win the game. Hopefully that is exactly what I am going through now…a simple pause to reassess the playing field of life and continue growing in appreciation of all the opportunities it affords me and you.

So until tomorrow…. If you don’t push the pause button now and then in life…it will push it for you. (Believe me…I know first-hand :)!

“Today is my favorite day”  Winnie the Pooh

Speaking of my metaphor for football and the game of life…. Way to Go Clemson!…What I feared would be a nerve-wracking, nail biting game turned out otherwise…a game you could enjoy without hiding your eyes…unexpected but most appreciated. Donna your “All In” Flag was blowing by the window… along with Honey’s Clemson Rabbit, I lit the candle on the Clemson tray…the game was on!

Tommy and Kaitlyn went to the game in Clemson and had great seats and a great time with their friends….leaving the stadium last evening..the setting sun was all orange…it had been an all-in, all-orange day!

I had a most wonderful visit yesterday…Mike and Dee Lesko came over with a huge box filled with food, candy, masks, Colonial Bazaar trinkets….I felt like Christmas had come early! Dee scared the wits out of me (not much left there anyway) with this mask! She left it for me to use for Halloween….loving it!

I love this senior voodoo doll…Dee has already stuck a pin in one of its feet…what else are friends for…and  the cutest button flower arrangement in a little salt shaker. (“As you grow older…the pains get bolder…”)

And Oh how did Dee know my fondness for corn chowder? *Then add in potatoes?…I was over the moon…along with chicken salad sandwiches…I am the best kept “prisoner” around! Thank you my dear friends…Mike and Dee! What a fun afternoon! *And for dessert…my own carton of chocolate fudge ice cream with the biggest spoon Mike and Dee could find me! Death by chocolate!

Pictures from the Napa Valley…maybe one day in my parallel life I will visit it…but for now I will just live it through the “children” vicariously! Beautiful!

Dear Reader:

These days when I look back on old photos…extending past a decade at least… I wonder why I always always felt inadequate in the confidence department growing up and throughout my early adult years.

When I gaze (from my perspective now) at the unknowing healthy forty-something or early fifty-something gal (before I went from taking no medicine to a dozen or more) I see the glow of good health. None of the other features, such as overall appearance, dress, style, hair-do, color…etc. matters… It is the beauty of a healthy body. Something we take for granted until we no longer have it.

Fun Shots of Hair Do’s over the Ages….from my Retirement Party

Extended chemo certainly zaps the healthy shine on a face (no matter how much make-up) or watery eyes (no eye lashes, thus no protective oil to lubricate the eyes) and perhaps the least visible but most important the bubbly energy slowly seeps out.

Certainly part of it is the aging process and I recognize that…but the long-term effects of hard core medications and their side effects do take a toll on the body over the years. Believe me…I don’t want to sound like a whiner… I know how lucky I am to just be alive and so terribly grateful…however some days I long to be able to jump out of bed like I once did and walk down the street with a careless gait… even a couple of years past.

I love meeting the new day vibrant and head on…not hopping down the hall or holding onto furniture to get to the bathroom. Hopefully my “Lindy Hop” dance will dissolve with the skin transplants in my foot…sooner than later.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer in 2008 I had lots of people dropping by with all kinds of ideas on what to eat, drink or even how to exercise the disease away…at least placate it. I soon wearied of most of these suggestions….but I do remember the first one I read about while going through a chemo infusion… a spice -Turmeric.

I hadn’t thought about that term in a long time…until Doodle texted me the name of a beautiful plant (I asked the name of) that she gave me for my birthday…it and one other replica still adorn the white bench.

It is called “Curcuma.” Isn’t it beautiful? Since she brought it to me a few days before my September birthday it has bloomed and bloomed and bloomed.

It is in the ginger family. But more importantly…it has gained recognition in recent years for its potential influence as an anti-cancer agent.

Turmeric’s active ingredient is an extracted compound called curcumin. Studies have shown that curcumin helps prevent several forms of cancer including breast, lung, stomach, liver, and colon because of its anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties. It stops the development of cancer by interfering with the cellular signaling aspects of the chronic disease.

Once I learned this information from Doodle’s text…I walked back out on the front porch and regarded the beautiful plant differently. Not only was it a gorgeous purple but it also contained the capability of perhaps prolonging or altering a human being’s life expectancy from disease. It only increased my appreciation for it…making it even more exquisite.

I think God designed Creation, to not only be beautiful, but to be a source of giving back to others…we all have the gift of care giving, an unique talent to share….

My friend, Carol Poole, once taught a class for teachers called “History in Your Own Backyard.” I get a sneaking suspicion that if I knew a fraction of the potential medicinal cures probably coming from different plants in my own backyard/garden I would be shocked. Which leads me to my new “Ah-ha” moment.

If we just take the time to stop and look around… God has provided each of us so many “cures” for our many, diverse daily problems that go unrecognized and un-used in search of society’s standard solutions…when the answer is often within arm’s reach in our own homes.

*And to be perfectly honest with myself…half the time now if I am having a problem, it is in the mirror where I “see” the solution…I am the problem…or at least a pretty good contributor. 🙂

So until tomorrow….We need to stop searching for solutions this way or that way or in lands called “Elsewhere” and go back to that mirror and see our own  solution staring back at us.

“Today is my favorite day”  Winnie the Pooh

 A HUGE Shout-out to my Horace Mann Insurance agent. Stephanie Rankin is just about the most amazing young woman I know! She has literally held my hand through this whole robbery/recovery car theft…. Since I haven’t had a car to go to her office…she has been coming over to my house and helping me with all the required paperwork that goes along with this type of situation, carefully explaining each detail of the rather long complicated process from police reports, to claims agencies, to title deliveries, etc.

Yesterday she made a copy of the final market valuation report in her office and ran it over…taking a picture of my car title (for safe measure) and then went scurrying out the door with the original to send (UPS) to the Auto Auction in the upper part of the state…tracking it to make sure it arrives Monday so the insurance company can put my check in the mail! Whew! Stephanie is a dynamo and a care giver through and through….even on a late Friday afternoon.

Not only has God been winking through this whole car theft situation with my guardian angel Stephanie… He has continued to wink farther out….I was talking to the “Totaled” department agent in Springfield, Illinois about all the last minute requirements to check off Thursday evening when she mentioned she had lived in the lowcountry in 2012 and taught at a middle school in Summerville, SC….called Alston Middle School. I just about dropped my iPhone. Six degrees of separation. O degrees with God.

More photos…from the Dingles at the Golden Gate Bridge! Just gorgeous!

After Stephanie left…here comes the one and only Jo Dufford bearing the queen dish of the south…a homemade mac and cheese casserole. Doodle…I had just enough roast beef dinner (thank you!) left over to go with the mac and cheese….a marvelous finale for me and my tummy! Jo is also the queen of comedy and brings the most delightful gift of all…laughter!

Dear Reader:

While reading an article on one person’s perception of different kinds of spiritual temperaments….traditionalists, naturalists, activists, intellectuals, caregivers…solitude and simplistic faith followers…One fact arises…we don’t all have to worship the same way. God wants us to worship according to the way He made us. (Gary Thomas: Sacred Pathways)

…” By understanding our spiritual temperaments, we can develop the tools we need to grow spiritually. The goal here is not self-actualization or spiritual self-absorption, but to feed our souls so we can know God in a new way, love him with every cell of our being, and then express that love by reaching out to others.”

— Gary L. Thomas

I remember going to several educational conferences (during my teaching days) when the theme  was “One size doesn’t fit all”...in other words, all children learn differently and the key to successful teaching/and student learning is figuring out the individual learning styles of each student.

Teaching the same thing, the same way, to all children in a class, brings about the same results….a scattering of successful students, a scattering of mediocrity, and finally a scattering of unsuccessful students. This pie graph never changes unless the teaching techniques fit each individual student’s needs.

I think this is true of our own individual relationships with our Creator. We each have to forge our own pathway of faith with God’s nudging and directions….but not everyone is going to take the same path to meet God.

Just during my lifetime my own spiritual temperance has subtly changed from more traditional and group organized to solitude and simplicity…moments talking to my flowers and trees in the garden, delighting in new buds and blooms…smelling the rich dirt held in my hand….watching a sunrise or sunset…awestruck by a full moon. It is in these moment that I feel God’s presence ….It is a private and personal conversation these days.

“Nature never repeats herself, and the possibilities of one human soul will never be found in another.”

I believe this to be true…there will never be another me and there will never be another you. That is why one size doesn’t fit all.

We each must find our own path of faith and in doing so we will find the love we so longingly seek…we will find God because, quite simply, God is love.

So until tomorrow…

I love this Kelly Rae Robert’s angel titled ‘Loved’ because all of you have made me feel this way during these past few trying days. Thank you for your texts, emails, calls, and cards…making me smile, wipe a tear, and just plain laugh out loud uproariously!

Pam Stewart, a friend from church, sent this card which read…Life maybe raining on your parade right now…but I’m asking God to make the sun peek out from behind the clouds. and to bring you a rainbow soon!

Pam went on to say that God already had it covered… putting me on Rainbow Road. She’s right!

Happy “Official” birthday to my wonderful niece, Bekah! May your day be filled with love, peace, and excitement over new tomorrow’s!

Belated Happy Birthday to Susan Swicegood…Susan…you are just going to have to chalk up this delayed birthday wish to a delayed neuron (actually several) flowing through my head and out my ears. I remember last year…making myself repeat…”Mollie and Susan on the 18th…Bekah on the 19th.” It obviously didn’t work or stay in my memory bank.

Perhaps two car robberies, foot surgery and “too” many pain killers sucked my memory right out… I hope you had a wonderful birthday yesterday!

BUT…if I could  bake a cake…this is what I would have made for you! 🙂

*Walsh and Mollie made it to San Francisco safe and sound and were already digging into oysters when they sent this picture. I am sure though Walsh and Mollie are going to miss their “daily sugar supply” from Eloise.

Dear Reader:

What a fun day yesterday was….filled with friends, conversation, and laughter…just what the doctor ordered!

Susan Cadwell stopped by first to tell me that her house in Conway sold the day after she put up her For Sale sign. All it took was a one hour tour to sell the house. She had been nervous about the effects of the flooding and Hurricane Florence’s influence on the sale; instead the storm turned out to be the pivotal selling point for someone who needed another house following its destruction. “God works in mysterious ways”…always a good sign that the path you are following is the the true “north” for you.

Susan left some soup and salad….thank you so much…brought in this cute Halloween bag.

While Susan was leaving Anne arrived, fresh off the plane from Italy, bearing Greek potatoes and a gyro…a winning combination! She had also done a watercolor of the pewter breast cancer angel with the scripture: Psalm 91:11

“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.”  A beautiful pink camellia accompanied the watercolor.

While reading the line of scripture again I found it so sustaining to my vulnerable state. I was in need of reassurance that I was still being looked down upon and protected and this verse gave it to me with the memory of my sun visor angel. Anne did laugh and tell me that she stopped with line 11 in this Psalm since the 12th line continues with….”So that you will not strike your foot against a stone.” 

She wasn’t sure I wanted to be reminded of my on-going foot problem but I thought line 12 was pretty helpful too reminding me not to hop along  alone outside where I could slip and twist the foot…another good one God! 🙂

It is easy when so many things hit us at one time to fall into a vulnerable state…it is just important that we realize that a period of vulnerability that we are going through is a good thing…a reminder that we can’t do it alone. We need other people and we need God.

When we let down our barriers and let people into our lives, sometimes during the most vulnerable times of our lives, closer connections are made during this period than any other. When we are able to tell our true stories with our whole heart-when we embrace the risk of being hurt or disappointed- we practice courage.

So until tomorrow…Vulnerability is the ultimate lesson in learning how to be who we really are and letting go of who we think we ought to be.

Before Anne left Donna Clark arrived with a Clemson All-In Flag to wave during this Saturday’s game which seems destined to be another nail-biter against NC State…the result which will most likely affect the ACC Championship.

She also had some Tiger Celebrate Pasta mix for the game….we are both crazy about our Tigers.

Donna also made me feel better when she said her daughter, Dana, once had her car stolen twice in the same week. She broke my 10 day interval. We must talk Dana…misery loves company! 🙂

We even added Anne’s beautiful pink camellia to the Clemson tray in readiness for the game.

So we all ended up laughing and having such a spontaneous afternoon of fun! I didn’t realize how much I had missed having lots of friends around.

But the best thing of all that happened was when Anne was leaving and yelled back in… “Little Red” has a bud!” 

“Oh Happy Day”….when the first red bud blooms from the “cloned” Big Red…and life continues again…always…like a rolling river through time. Life continues, no matter what, now that is a comforting thought!

And what a birthday for Mollie this year. She and Walsh are going with friends to California Wine Country for a long weekend. Enjoy it all and savor the memories!

Dear Reader:

Do you think it is just human nature that provides some sort of delusional protective veil around our presence… that reassures us that the bad things we see on television or the internet or hear on the radio won’t ever happen to us…but always to ‘someone else?’ This universal sense of security is quite comfortable…until one day when it isn’t.

Usually a victim of a crime, illness, natural disaster (the list could go on and on) starts out in an interview with the familiar comment… “I never thought it would happen to me.”  It is probably the most candor/ truthful comment the victim says…he or she didn’t see it coming.

We didn’t but God did and thus when we start asking the eternal question “Why?” we often feel that the response doesn’t come soon enough or clear enough to satisfy our human puzzlement at the ways of the universe.

I always fall back on the great debate between “free will” and “God’s will” which can lead us down the path of discombobulation. Very early on in my breast cancer chemo journey surrounded by people of every age, race, and religion, I very quickly understood it wasn’t a “Why me Lord”….but “Why not me Lord.” I was no better than any of my cancer colleagues who were all fighting their own battles with the disease. In fact…I felt lucky that I was retired, had no children dependent on me financially… I was one of the lucky ones.

I had lived a wonderful life and if this was it…then I had been given so much already. I wasn’t willing to give up or in…there were still many adventures I wanted to experience…but I knew everyone would be okay if it was my time.

Obviously God had other plans for me and here I am a decade later still around with happily my share of life’s problems. If I didn’t have a problem…then I would know I was dead.

God didn’t promise us a smooth ride in life…He only promised He would be there with us through the smooth and the bumpy…and to this day He has kept His promise.

Lately the challenges have increased but so far my sore foot might hurt but it is slowly accepting the skin grafts…hallelujah…and the “Vue” has been deemed “totaled” but provided me many years of faithful service. As so many of you have reassured me…it is just a possession….nothing more or less…it can be replaced.

But still we are human and just when I thought everything was finally settling down…one little tiny incident brought about my melt-down. Walsh and Eloise brought me home from Mt. Pleasant and we stopped by the car repair shop to get my license off the car and something I wanted to make sure I got for sentimental reasons….my breast cancer angel (pewter clamp)that Terry (herself a breast cancer survivor) gave me a week after my diagnosis.

*You might remember I thought this angel had helped the car find its way back home after it was found abandoned following the first robbery.

After I left the car following the second robbery for the repair assessment last week, I remembered the angel and wanted it back. So Walsh took me there yesterday…I got a few papers from the sun visor and then it dawned on me the pewter clamp sun visor angel was gone…I looked everywhere.

The car repairman who took me to my car yesterday and handed me my license said he didn’t remember seeing an angel clamped to the sun visor. It apparently was taken in the second car theft.

When I walked back to the car….Walsh asked if I got everything I needed from the car and I went to tell him I did…and suddenly my lips were quivering and I could barely explain that the one thing I wanted more than any other was gone. One angel of precious memories toppled me over emotionally.

(I got the “Vue” several months before I was diagnosed so my guardian angel had ridden in my car for over a decade looking over me. Later that day when I talked with Brooke (Terry was her good friend from Walterboro) I tried to tell her about the angel and lost it again. The phone got quiet and then Brooke said, “What if this young teenager who took your car (twice)…took that angel for a reason…maybe, just maybe, he needed the angel now more than you did.”

Later in the day, while talking with Doodle…I told her the story and she said the exact same thought came to her as I told her about my conversation with Brooke…it was time for the angel to help another.

Therein lies our problem, our human frailty with dealing with crisis…we are limited in our vision as to how all the pieces of the puzzle are going to fit perfectly in the right sequence but God can see the whole playing board.

So until tomorrow…Trust in God. Whereas we can only see a piece…God understands the whole game and which piece of the puzzle needs more attention at any moment than another.

I was so happy Eloise accompanied me and Walsh home…got some time to see my youngest grandchild.

Eva Cate and Jake rode their bikes proudly by me Monday evening….entertainment to keep my mind off my aching foot after my successful second skin graft. It worked.

* I was just about to finish up the blog when the doorbell rang…it was the postman with a package….for me…from Honey. Today’s title card was attached to two gifts….homemade Pumpkin fairy dwelling and a cute Boo plaque. Thank you Honey for always brightening my day as only Honey can do. That card is perfect! Love Dr. Seuss!

Last evening Gin-g stopped by with two donuts….which is now down to one donut. So Good! And it was so fun catching up with Gin-g on the challenges of “mature youth.” That’s us!